Gentle Hands with Friends

Safety

When a bite breaks the skin, wash it with soap and water and follow the school's first-aid and blood exposure policy.
Record every bite or injury and tell both families as licensing requires, without naming the other child to either family.
Teething objects offered for biting are large enough that they do not fit in the small parts test cylinder (1.25 in. × 2.25 in.) and are washed after each use.

Presentation

1
In a calm moment, sit with one or two children. Stroke your own arm softly and say: 'Gentle hands. I touch softly.'
2
Hold out your hand and invite the child to touch it softly. Then show a soft pat on a friend's back, if that friend agrees.
3
When a child reaches to hit, grab, or bite, move close and put your hand between the children. Say calmly: 'I won't let you hit.'
4
When a hit or bite happens, stop it first, then turn to the hurt child. Comfort them and check the skin. Wash a bite with soap and water and hold a cold cloth on it.
5
Say to the child who hit, in a calm voice: 'You hit Leo. Leo is crying. Hitting hurts.' Do not shame, scold, or make the child say sorry.
6
Show what the child can do instead: 'You can say stop. You can hit the drum.' For biting: 'You can bite this.' Offer the teething object.
7
Model the words yourself: 'I'm sorry Leo got hurt.' Invite the child who hit to bring the cold cloth, if they want to.
8
Afterward, write down when and where it happened and what came before, and change the room or the schedule when a pattern shows, for example crowding at one shelf or hitting just before lunch.

Extensions, easiest to hardest

Touch a plant leaf or an animal softly
Hold a doll or stuffed animal softly and put it to bed
The child says or signs 'stop' to another child instead of hitting

Control of error

The other child's reaction (crying, moving away, or smiling at a soft touch) shows the effect of the touch; the adult stepping in shows the child where the limit is.

Ready to move on when the child…

Touches friends softly without reminders during most of the morning
Stops reaching to hit when the adult says 'Stop' or comes close
Uses a word, a sign, or moving away in a conflict at least some of the time
Pats or brings a cloth to a crying friend

Guide note

Hitting and biting are common between 12 and 30 months and are not a sign of a bad child. Giving most of the attention to the hurt child, not the child who hit, is the advice of ZERO TO THREE and NAEYC. The adult models 'sorry' but does not require it, as in the 3–6 Apologizing work.